The Teleporting Puppy

I want to be THIS for Halloween

2010-10-17T20:56:00.002-04:00

The problem is: Toad is topless underneath that vest.

Gabby is that you?

2010-08-18T17:19:00.002-04:00

Remember Gabby?

I really miss Gabby.

ALRIGHT INNANET!

2010-05-25T14:54:00.001-04:00

Let's get bloggin!

MISSING PERSON

2009-07-11T21:26:00.004-04:00

There appears to be an impostor pretending to be our old friend. This one has moved to Boston and has a Blackberry. If anyone has more information please contact the proper authorities.

(click to enlarge)

**This post is not about Kim (even though it kind of is)

Mei Fart

2009-06-12T14:19:00.005-04:00

Click the images below for an enlarged view of Melissa's buttwind.

Farting in Buttney's online space

Farting in mom's chat room:

Farting in a wet-suit:

***Kim is NOT Melissa's buttwind.

IMs from this Morning

2009-05-22T09:37:00.011-04:00

Lauf is quite self-aware. This one night she puked all over her crush's bed (in the middle of a party, before she even tried to get her MakeOut on) and then walked (or was dragged by Kim and me) home in a blizzard with one shoe on (the other was left in her crush's room). When we awoke her the next morning and recounted the tale to her (as gently as possible), her only response was to incredulously explain "BUT, L*ZZY LA*FF*R DOESN'T GET DRUNK..." -- hence the birth of the alter-ego known as LLDGD
(names have been eliminated for the sake of protecting her from google's crawlers wrath)

(Just to be clear moving forward, LL is not in college)

Well done, Sherlock.

(I bet he has a Bob Marley poster on his wall --potentially the same one i did)

Thankfully LL doesn't let a loss of dignity get her down, instead she is concerned with the important things...

**LLDGD is NOT Kim, Kim is not LL's underwear

Recessiono? Problemo Solvedo.

2009-05-01T15:03:00.001-04:00

***Disclaimer: Buttnet is not Kim. We do not think Kim is what is wrong with the economy.

PoPo 09 p2 sf

2009-04-22T23:10:00.001-04:00

Gabby the Sequel

2009-04-22T14:00:00.008-04:00

The day before I left for popo 09 p2 SF Gabby was kind enough to enter my internet life again. Once again, she proved that virtual reactions really can be meaningful.

Hope to chat with you soon Gabs!!

*** Kim had nothing to do with this conversation.

Life Lessons # 6

2009-03-19T16:46:00.005-04:00

How to make time fly:
Spend your afternoon transforming TTP's staff into puppies flying to planet gchat.
(Please see our new header for more information).

**Disclaimer: The puppies, planets, and time mentioned in this post are NOT related to Kim in any way

Recession Alternative: Treasure Hunt

2009-03-19T14:37:00.007-04:00

As our loyal ttp reader(s) know, I got laid off approx 2 months ago. While working through my extended and unconventional layoff, I have been given the opportunity to ponder other career paths. After hanging out in my usual spots, gchat, cute overload blog, more gchat, music videos, Wii, ttp co founder and family member, JennyfromdaBlog led me in the right virtual direction of professional treasure hunter. I would encourage you to enter but please don't because that will ruin ttp staff chances at winning. I would encourage you, however, to comment on ideas of how ttp will spend half a million. Ideas: Group Think(Inc)

This is fondly reminiscent of a past job that I've considered during the layoff which has been touted as the best job in the world. However, that involved making a video which staff members of ttp would agree, TMW.

What is blue curacao?
The Blue clearly means Land.

** all the information on this website is public information and draws no inspiration or resemblence of Kim

The Hippest Chuck I know

2009-03-13T17:49:00.003-04:00

Since he understands the magic that is Gossip Girl I sent Mags this overheard link:

20-something hipster guy to friend: Dude, did you see Gossip Girl last night?
Friend: (stares)
20-something hipster guy, indignantly: Shut up! If you started watching it, you wouldn't be able to stop, either!

--168 St Subway Station

This is what followed:**Mags is NOT Kim.

Gabby Schools

2009-03-13T15:57:00.004-04:00

I made a new friend online today.
(click to enlarge)
Then I think her mom probably grounded her. TTYISY* Gabs!
*Talk to You in Seven Years

***Disclaimer: Kim is NOT Gabby, Gabby is NOT Kim

Make Out Fake Out

2009-02-19T19:16:00.015-05:00

This one time Melissa and I did this awesome thing where we convinced Buttney (our [sometimes] creative director) that he and mei french kissed. It was especially believable because Buttney had blacked out the night before, and Melissa fled to Asia the next morning. Sadly, true love is not the moral of this story. The moral, is that our friends are wonderful, caring, and loving people.

The proof is in the gchat.

But really, Buttney couldn't wait to talk about being in love all day.

Which brings us to the wonderful Dre, who was only too happy to spread the love.
Then Chris Brown came around, and proved that he is truly a sucker for a love story.However, some truths came out about Melissa

Of course, her first love (the one and only Vagina Baby) knew exactly how to handle the sitution.

The End.

*Please note that Ari and Mags both made powerful showings in this conversation. However, I did not have screenshots saved on my computer of our conversation that took place 2 months ago.
**Melissa & Eddie did not actually make out
****Kim is not actually any of the characters in this post.

Life Lessons #5

2009-02-11T17:36:00.003-05:00

Magician that likes to eat cookiesh

Disclaimer: The fattie featured is NOT KIM

Kim 2.0

2009-02-03T14:33:00.006-05:00

While innocently trying to google something on Kim's computer last night we came across some fascinating insight into her online activities...

**Updated: Please note that this is NOT TRUE. I made this in photoshop, and Kim DOES NOT have crabs. This is actually my own search history.

2009 New Year's Resolution

2009-01-06T16:57:00.010-05:00

Wear *bloomers while skiing.

Read Me

Life Lessons # 4

2008-12-18T17:20:00.005-05:00

Interpretation #1: Hang out on your Computer...Learn cool Handshakes.
Interpretation #2: Navigate with a magical mouse...type on a computer from 1992...make boyfriends
Truth: This was found on a Mandarin website, so it probably means Communism.

Roary, I found a smartphone for you

2008-12-15T21:25:00.006-05:00

To see the iphone nanosita's unveiling....

Down with Big Bad Dope, up with Miniature Hope.

Life Lessons # 3

2008-12-09T21:12:00.002-05:00

Our taste [in TV] is impeccable.

How do you say Love in French?

2008-12-04T13:38:00.007-05:00

During her daily Dork Surf of the intraweb, Jenn found our lost soulmate roaming the streets of France.

BABE ALERT: REMI
For a brief moment our love for him even inspired some hostility between mother and daughter.
(click on image to enlarge)

Meet Kim Baskin

2008-12-02T16:26:00.002-05:00

Life Lessons # 2

2008-12-01T20:23:00.006-05:00

What Jennifer learned whilst surfing the net on Dec 1, 2008:

Our dear friend and creative director Buttnet got this intriguing ad on his Gmail today. (Click the picture below for a better view.)

"Want To End A Friendship? www.lifescript.com - Learn When To Say Goodbye To A Friend Without Leaving Scars"

When I got to the site this is what I found.
Conclusion:

Friendships may be lactose intolerant.

Life Lessons # 1

2008-12-01T19:53:00.003-05:00

What Melissa learned the hard way on Dec 1st, 2008

Melissa is stranded in Denver Airport
An "airline employee" tells her she can stop in Vegas and then continue on to San Francisco from there.
Melissa is handed one boarding pass from Denver to Vegas and post-it note with her name and frequent flier number.
Melissa arrives in Vegas and approaches agent at the gate for the flight to San Francisco.
Airline employee rips up the post-it in her face.
Melissa has made a huge mistake.

A Post-It note does not a boarding pass make.

To Puppies Everywhere

2008-11-29T04:10:00.002-05:00

The Ronald Report

2008-11-18T21:06:00.003-05:00

This is the Ronald Report.

My dear friend and housemate Marri has the glorious task of managing "structured activity time" for children of all ages, shapes, and colors in the San Francisco ghetto known as the Tenderloin. I like to think of it as Tendertown, as Miss Marri has developed meaningful relationships with the children. As expected, there are problem children and here, we see Miss Marri's efforts to chart the emotional outbursts of one child, Ronald. It's amazing witnessing the transition from morning to choice time. Ronald begins his day as an alien, gets nauseous, grows eyes, and is seemingly content for the rest of the day.

Good Work, Ronald. We're all rooting for you.

It's like a food diary.

The Miffy Report to come soon.

Playing Dress Up as Mom

2008-11-10T01:54:00.001-05:00

Mom, I miss you. Families shouldn't be separated by 3,000 miles.

There is hope for us yet

2008-11-05T12:54:00.006-05:00

Dear Obama family,

We hear you are getting a PUPPY. We think that is a GREAT idea. We LOVE puppies. That being said (plus what you said about getting one being said), its time to start thinking about what kind of puppy you want. Obviously we've put much thought into this for you, and this is what we came up with.

You could go for the cute and prissy kind...
Or the wild and playful...
Or maybe even the shaggy one.
But, when you really weigh out all your options I think the choice is actually really clear--You go for the teleporting one.
Oh yea, congratulations on that whole being our President thing. That's really neat.

Sorry Mom & Dad

2008-10-06T19:54:00.004-04:00

So this is what its like to be embarrassed by your children...

*Updated to clarify that I am embarrassed by Melissa's post--the one below that she did not even create a TITLE for. That being said mei, try try and ye shall succeed. You know like that train that just kept trying.

2008-10-06T19:50:00.000-04:00

http://www.weboflove.org/060309cabride

POPO 08

2008-10-06T14:06:00.001-04:00

Countdown To

Supah Soaker

2008-09-27T16:55:00.001-04:00

Um, COOL.

Kissed by an Angel

2008-09-26T15:54:00.000-04:00

Our Honored Creative Director

2008-08-26T17:11:00.005-04:00

This is (always) Buttnet. He (sometimes) is our creative director. He has this position because he is (maybe) our greatest fan.

VIVA LA BUTTNEY!

Familial Love.

2008-08-23T16:08:00.003-04:00

Miss you.

A Meeting of Masterminds

2008-08-11T01:12:00.005-04:00

me: who is boobs rulez

arijitsen3@gmail.com: how are both boob and bob in the chat room at the same time?

bobsemail: my #1 fan

4:01 PM boobsscreenname: I AM NOT BOB

I AM BOOB

arijitsen3@gmail.com: this is ridiculous

he is not bob?

who are you boob ?

bobsemail: this is boobdickulous

Heiny: bob is boob?

boobsscreenname: BOOBIELICIOUS

Heiny: tee hee

arijitsen3@gmail.com: apparently bob is boob, but bob is not boobS

this is a abbot and costello episode

4:02 PM Heiny: but butt is still buttney right?

arijitsen3@gmail.com: maybe buttney is boobs

bobsemail: a boob and costello

arijitsen3@gmail.com: this is a case for the three investigators

Heiny: wait so it butt cheeks here too?

(Buttney was absent during this part, as he stepped out for a real but less importantt meeting)

What's in a name?

2008-08-06T14:57:00.005-04:00

Below is a declaration of love to Melissa from her parents (me = mom, kim = dad). This is probably one of the more special projects I've dedicated to Melissa, aside from the speech I've been writing for her wedding--however, the furthest I've gotten on that is the first line which describes the first (only?) time I made Mei feel me up.
(you can click on the image for an enlarged view)

*Included below is a key to the images (please see 52w14.blogspot.com for more information) that are probably only interesting to Melissa but I encourage you to read since if you are here you are probably looking to waste time anyway.

M-made out of guacamole because it is Melissa’s favorite food, and there will be a guacamole at her “wedding” (keep the faith alive Min).
E-made by Kim and I’s joined bodies on a tie-dye background. It symbolizes our togetherness by the way it brings all colors together into a beautiful treat for the eye
L-made out of tomatoes and strawberries cause they are red, like hearts, like love. Also, they were in my lunch.
I-made by kim, because she is Asian like Melissa.
S-made out of sticks because there is that saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” but Mei is so special that all those things could make her cry
S-made out of “turds” because Mei loves poop, pooping stories, words related to poop, and team PIP (poop in pants). likes Melissa.
A-made by Jenn, cause it looks Awesome.

W-made by a park sign because it was not TMW (too much Work)
A-made out of rocks, because Melissa totally rocks enough for us to risk our lives on the railroad tracks for this declaration of love
Q-made out of sand, because that is mei’s favorite place to hang out when on a beach. This is because she is less likely to drown or be attacked by a crustacean when on the shore.
U-made out of tie-dye cause it is NOT Ugly and because we were in Woodstock NY and because Melissa probably likes the bird Woodstock because he is very small.
A-made out of Kim’s feet showcasing Jenn’s belt clip cell phone case because it demonstrates Melissa’s parents trying to embarrass her.
N-made out of Jenn mid-party-trick in front of Chili’s because tricks→magic tricks→Gob → Arrested Development →Arrested Development theme song →Narcolepsy, which also starts with N

L-made out of the LOSER symbol, because Chili’s took Kim’s two favorite items off the menu and she really felt like she’d lost an integral part of her life
O-made out of Margarita because after a couple (or just one) of these Mei is likely to commit an uh-OH.
U-made out of miniature Pandas because they are miniatures and because they are all sniffing each others butts and because the last one is extra miniature.
I-made out of a Converse ad in Target because a pair of Converse sneakers are one of the several pair of matching clothing/footwear items Melissa and Jenn have.
E-the End.

Cayute.

2008-08-01T14:32:00.000-04:00

2008-07-30T20:29:00.000-04:00

To get this off the ground and running, I'm taking the initiative to introduce and lay claim to the internet sphere known as teleporting puppy.

Like any of our ideas, we toyed with the idea of beginning the blog and making its title TBA, the byline of most of our dreams and aspirations; teleporting, teleporting puppies, hallfart, jenn moving to san francisco, understanding astronomy, melissa getting a boyfriend, etc....

The scope and intent of this blog remains unclear at the moment (tba) but if anything, i'm sure embarrasing photos will follow.

memory lane calls.